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Drunk Man's Junk


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Song Info

Title:

Drunk Man's Junk (Beatnik Turtle Music, Roper, Slusher)

Related:

Songs About Whiskey, Drinking Songs, Clothing and/or The Lack Of Clothing, Irish Songs, Songs Inspired By Actual Events

Lyrics:

The junk man walked into the bar
A firm look upon his face
He said "I'll drink you all under every table
In this godforsaken place

For I am a Scot you see
And I drink the drink
With one lip tied behind my back
I'll outdrink you in a wink"

So he drank a shot of whiskey
And one from Highland Park
Glenlivet and Glenfiddich
They all hit the mark

One final whiskey shot rang out
And then the brave man fell
He crumpled in the corner
But his kilt didn't crumple so well


The junk man's drunk
So stinkin' drunk
Now we can see
The drunk man's junk
Screw up your courage
Cuz it takes spunk
To stare in the eye
Of the drunk man's junk


The junk man's friends
They rolled their eyes
And with a practiced ease
They carried him out the door
His junk flapping in the breeze

They took him to his home
And dumped him upon the floor
Sure enough he woke right up
Burning with a taste for more

You see, he wanted a shot of La-froyg
And one of Tom-in-towel
And by god he was determined
To remoisten his drink hole

So, he stumbled back to the bar
Accosting everyone on the way
And when he walked in through the door
He hear them all say


The junk man's drunk
So stinkin' drunk
Now we can see
The drunk man's junk
Screw up your courage
Cuz it takes spunk
To stare in the eye
Of the drunk man's junk


So all you lads now listen up
And heed the junk man's story
Lest you put up on display
Your cock and balls in all their glory


The junk man's drunk
So stinkin' drunk
Now we can see
The drunk man's junk
Screw up your courage
Cuz it takes spunk
To stare in the eye
Of the drunk man's junk

Song Notes:

The tale of the "Drunk Man's Junk" is based on actual events and goes back to Dragon*Con 2008 when it was told to us at a party by Dave Slusher, one of the world's first podcasters and the mastermind behind The Evil Genius Chronicles Podcast. Apparently an individual in a kilt drank one too many beverages and passed out in a public spot displaying his, er...um..."junk" until a fellow party-goer took the initiative to, uh..."fix" the problem.

Dave wondered if he wrote the lyrics, could we write the music? We of course agreed and so Dave penned the lyrics to the tune and handed it off to us to record as soon as we had the time. We recently grabbed our guitars, cranked our amps, and did a few lyrical touch-ups (adding the moral of the story). So, here it is, one year later, our collaboration in "all its glory." Enjoy!*

*Remember to drink responsibly (that is, don't wear a kilt and decide to go commando when you decide to party all day, okay?)

Performance:

Lead Vocals: Jason Feehan
Lead Guitar: Tom Roper
Rhythm Guitar: Tom Roper
Drums: John Owens
Keyboards: Tom Roper


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